So what Wednesday...

• If I have been MIA for months now b/c all I did was work, dance, sleep, eat, work for months! 
• If I wasn't talented enough to make my blog pretty so I let this wonderful lady do it for me :)  Thank you! Thank you!
• If I'm not leaving for Florida for a month but I'm already starting to pack!  It makes me feel better since we still have SNOW!
• I started to clean my house last night and finished everything, including my roommates room, but got lazy once I got to my room! #itsstilldirty
• If yesterday I hated all men.  I didn't care who you were I hated you.  
• If I told the puppy more then once I was going to kill him last night after he ran through the house with muddy paws twice after I had already mopped twice!  
• If Tank wags his tail every time I say that to the puppy!

Friday Letters

Dear DC, Thanks for being a good time despite the long drive home when our flight was canceled!  Dear Frankenstorm, You suck!!! My hearts go out to everyone that was affected by you and I wish you had never shown up! Dear Balentine, I love that I get to talk to you more often lately!  I can't wait to see you in a week exactly! Dear Six, Its been a little over a week since you have been gone and I still look for you everytime I get home and every morning.  I miss you like crazy but I know that you are not in pain anymore and I'm thankful for that.  Dear Tank, Im sorry your sad, mommy is too.

RIP My sweet Love

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#6 of Thirty Things

#6 of thirty things I think is the hardest so far.... what is the hardest thing you have been through?

If you know me you know for the most part my life has been pretty easy.  My parents are still together, both my sisters are alive and healthy.  I have had normal ups and downs and loves and break ups.  But when I was 17 I lost one of my really good friends.  Its not the loss that still haunts me.  People lose loved ones all the time.  Its the way life works.  But this friend was killed.  Something you never think will happen to you or someone you know.  She was shot.  Twice to be exact.  Two doors down from where I lived.  30 minutes after I talked to her on the phone. Shot by a man that I had sat next to at a dinner table.  To say it was hard is probably far from the truth. It was awful. It changed the lives of so many people close to me.  It left two wonderful kids motherless and fatherless.  It was selfish and an act of violence that was just not needed. 

I remember the day like it was yesterday I have a feeling I will always remember that day.  We had a late night the night before.  We were young and having fun she had left him the week before.  I always remember thinking FINALLY.  You see he was very abusive and I was just glad she had a chance again.  To be happy to find real love to just live. Her son was 2 at the time and if I remember right her daughter was 6 I believe.  Along with her mom and dad and my parents and my sister and I we had been tag teaming watching the kids and finding her a job and a place to live.  At night her and I would go out with my then boyfriend and just dance the night away.  We knew her ex had been following us around the whole week he would call her and tell her where we were what we had done, etc.  She kept telling me that he would kill her before he let her go.  I remember saying that was crazy that yes he was crazy but not that crazy.  I was wrong.  It was a Friday   I had woke up late for work I remember she came down and did my hair while I did my make up.  We gossiped about the night before and I was able to tell her that said boyfriend of mine had told me he loved me.  Then I went to work.  That night was football Friday at the high school.  My sister was still on the dance team so we were all going.  I called her (my friend) to tell her I was going to go get my nails done and then I would be home.  I remember her telling me that was a waste of time and to hurry.  The whole time I was there getting my nails done I had a feeling something was wrong.  I had left my phone in the car so I kept telling the man that I needed to go get it.  He kept telling me to hold on he would be done soon.  Looking back going to get my nails done kept me away from the danger that was at home without even knowing.  I rushed over to my car when I got done dug my phone out of the bottom of my purse to find 25 missed calls.  My heart sunk.  I knew something was wrong.  I had three voice mails all from my dad.  The first telling me to stay clear of anywhere I had been that week to go somewhere and stay until I was called back.  The second to come home but go straight inside that he would be at the door waiting for me.  and the third to tell me she was shot to please pick up the phone and please come home that he was still at large and they were worried sick. I came home to find my dad in the drive way waiting on me and police everywhere.  I got out of the car and went straight for the house she was staying at my dad grabbed me and just shook his head no, no meaning she didn't make it she was in fact gone.  I remember falling to my knees how could this be I had just talked to her. The next few days were a blur.  We were able to go the ER and say our goodbyes she was lifeless and bloody and sometimes I wish I had never seen her that way.  I went back to get her children so the priest could assistance their now grandparents in telling them they were motherless and soon to find out fatherless.  I remember the daughter asking me if her mom would be better by Monday to do her hair for school and trying to keep it together to not let on the horror that was about to be her reality.

We would find out hours lately that he (her ex) had ran to the police station and shot himself in front of a volunteer.  In my opinion death was to good for him.  But at least the evil that consumed him is not here to consume anyone else.

#5 of Thirty Things

Today's question.... Name 5 things that make you happy right now......

1.  My family being alive and healthy is def my number 1.  After losing GG this year out of no where it really makes you think.  Letting go of the little things in life and just trying to be happy b/c you never know when someone you think will be around for a while will be gone with out a goodbye.

2.  My puppies.  No matter what kind of day I have being greeted at the door by two wagging days makes life seem better

Whats better then laying in bed with that one on the right!








3.  Being in the position to not be living pay check to pay check and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Knowing that I may be tired but it will all work out in the end.

4.  That my trip to DC is only two weeks away! FOUR whole days with no work! Unheard of for me :)  I intend to enjoy ever waking minute of it.

5.  My Friends.... I have a lot of people I know and would call my friends but there are a few that are always there for me and I love so dearly.  They don't care that I can't hang out as much b/c they know I have to work 50 million hours a lot of hours a week but they know I still think about them everyday and care about how they are and if they are happy. 

10 Things I would tell my 16 yr old self

#4 is my fav so far! 10 things I would tell my 16 yr old self!

1.  Life is short.  You will lose people sooner then you think enjoy the time you have.
2.  Don't be in a hurry to grow up, trust me that can wait
3.  Love your parents they need you and they do things that they think are best for you
4.  Go away for school you will be FINE
5.  Don't be so needy of having a man in your life, the ones you will chose up until now will not the "forevers" anyway
6.  Be a good person don't let the hate of others weigh you down.
7.  Don't be so nervous things have a way of working out I promise
8.  Don't drink so much in your early 20's it will cost you some friendships that are dear to your heart.
9.  Follow #8 but make sure you still have as much fun!  The things you learn in those years make you who you are today
10. Most of all always say what you mean and mean what you say.  Don't say things that you wouldn't want to be said back to a person without you being the person to say it to them.  Be sure to always be upfront and honest.  Like your momma taught you "honesty is always the policy"

Thirty Things and Friday Letters

So not realizing it I answered my #3 question yesterday within my number #2 question which you can find here Biggest Fear.  So I decided to do an edition of Friday Letters :)

Dear Week,  You have been a struggle but as always I will make it through and beat you at our own game.
Dear Knock Off Flea Meds, I get it I tried to save a buck and you caused an allergic reaction on Tank's back to the point he has scratched himself raw :(
Dear Tank, I'm sorry for the above.
Dear Ex, I believe my room mate hit the nail on the head by telling you your heart is man made and you thrive to get a rise out of people and their misery.  I feel for you that more then not people think this way of you but you are the one that continues to prove them right.  Be the person that you could be and care for others.  You are fortunate to have things provided for you that others have to work hard at.  Appreciate it.
Dear People in general, be kind to each other its not that hard I promise.  I also promise the more you do this the better you will feel.



Thirty Things #2

#2 List 3 legitimate fears and how they came about?

1.  My biggest fear losing my parents.  I know that it will happen and I know that there is nothing I can do about it.  However when my mother turn 50 I had a panic attack.  I legit freaked out, stupid I know b/c its not like 50 is even old these days.  If you have known me for a while you will know that my parents rock.  Through high school my house was filled with kids that would hang out with my mom when I was even out of town.  I moved on my own when I was 21 however ended up buying a condo smack in the same place I grew up since we moved to the states two door down.  For the past five years until last October I lived next door to my parents.  Some would die if they were that close but for me it was great.  It makes me sad to watch it sit empty and not be able to see them everyday b/c I work to much but they are still the most important people in my life. 

2.  My  2nd fear is falling down and hitting my head. Mostly falling down stairs backwards. I'm not sure where this came from besides that I always fall down or hurt myself somehow. NOW this my not be a legitimate fear but I do feel like this is in my own little head practical :)

3.  My 3rd fear is not being fully happy with my life and choices when I'm old and look back at them.  I'm proud of who I am and that I like to think positive and let the bad part of people not get the best of me.  I know I should probably hold more grudges (lets be honest even if you screw me over seven times I will still see the good in you) I like to think that Karma will do the dirty work so why should I waste my energy in trying to stoop to your level?  I guess this fear came about b/c I watch people around me recieve things they want and either not be deserving of them or still complain about it.  I fear I will continue to work hard my whole life without reaching the goals I'm after.